I have some severe anger issues. And now that I'm a mother also, it's affecting my relationship with my son. I regret every time when I burst onto my child and then promise myself not to do it again but it seems more like a pattern that I'm not been able to get rid of so far even after trying many techniques. Pls, advise something practical?
your question is explaining that anger is your old issue and in
spite of wanting and trying to get rid of it, you're not able to attain a
better state of mind. you might have tried a whole lot of techniques and logic
to improve the situation while ignoring the real root cause behind it.
Anger is actually a negative emotion when this emotion lands on
your body, certain chemical reaction commences in your body. when anger is
present in your body it's controlling your whole body response so you are like
a helpless child when your body is releasing those hormones whenever something
triggers your anger.
You need to consider a few things.
There are always childhood wounds when somebody turns out to be
a bad-tempered adult.
So there might have been some events in your childhood that have
made you the way you are. First, you need to look into that and analyze your
reasons for anger.
Kids who didn't have a strong relationship with their mothers,
kids who have missed out on their mother's love are the ones who become violent
adults. There might be some other traumatic event in life, like domestic
violence, or any kind of abuse and suppression of feelings.
To heal your childhood traumas you need to work on your inner
child first.
What's an inner child?
The inner child is your true self. The inner child is the
behavior you learned during your childhood.
If you have had traumas in your childhood you will always feel
like you are the same age when your trauma took place. Suppose, if you are 39
years old, and your trauma took place when you were 6 years old. you will
always feel like that 6-year-old victim child. You will feel victimized and
your psyche will develop around that trauma and your inner self will always
define you through the lens of those events that happened when you were
traumatized.
How
to work on a wounded inner child?
- Deep breathing and meditation
- Nurturing the creativity within or expressing yourself
through something you find pleasure in like poetry writing, story writing,
gardening, or anything else that spark the fire in you.
- Gratitude Journaling
- Visualization and rewiring your subconscious mind so that
those victimized patterns could be replaced with better visuals. It’s
called reprograming your subconscious mind. And the good news is you can
do it on your own just do a little research and start the journey.
- Accepting your whole self and building your self-esteem.
- Give yourself the love and attention that you have missed out
on as a child.
- Self-soothing talk to one own self through replacing
self-limiting beliefs.
- Therapies that you could do on your own and therapies that others can help you with. It might be professional help too.
Once your inner child is healed your anger issues will be eliminated cos it's all happens internally. It's all inner work.
If there are no childhood traumas or wounds. See, and analyze
the present scenario if there's some fear in your mind that's sitting there for
some time. It's time to resolve that. BCS when we have some fear in our mind.
if affects our whole physiology creating the hormones that take you towards an
un-resourceful state where there are more chances of your rage getting
nourishment to grow stronger.
Things that can help you deal with anger are as below. All these
activities have a reason how they can help you cope with rage. They actually
create a hormonal chemical reaction in your body that helps curb down
anger.
- Exercise
- meditation
- bringing purpose in your life
- Helping others.