You often find yourself justified to be blaming your parents for so many things in your life.
but did you ever wonder that Your parents might have had some traumatic events in their life; maybe in their childhood; that they couldn't resolve yet hence it shows in their behavior. it doesn't mean they don't try to be better parents. It's just that they needed to be healed. But probably couldn't find a way out of their mess.
They get themselves caught in the same spiral now and then.
But you know what, they don't wanna fail,
instead, they wanna win it just for your sake. and it's really hard for them to tell you this cos they are so wounded that sometimes they are not able to hear their own deep voices.
They don't want to be a bad parent, never.
Deep in their heart, they know that They want to set a good example. They don't want to mess up your life and even with their own pieces of baggage, they have been trying hard to be a good example for you to their utmost capacities.
They have been trying hard not
to be abusive though they were the victims of abuse themselves. They are trying
hard to make your life luscious even though their life wasn't. They are
secretly wishing that you don't get the same life as theirs. But all this
while, they need you to understand that they might fail it and might not be
able to make it all.
you might have become a victim of your parent's misbehavior but consider this, your parents or any other relation or those; that have played a part in your upbringing themselves could be a victim of trauma. they are helpless in controlling what they feel and how they behave; as a result, affecting people around them negatively.
but honestly, these are the people who can rectify themselves if understood and guided. but they usually don't find a single person in their life who might give them a deeper counsel on their sufferings and circumstances making them so numb to find it on their own.
Did you know, There are epigenetic factors behind the unwanted behaviors and there is intergenerational trauma also?
What's epigenetic Trauma? It is actually a trauma that alters the genes and methylation patterns of a person.
Intergenerational trauma suggests that a parent might
transfer all their traumas to their kids and then those kids to their own kids and the cycle goes on.
intergenerational trauma works just like how genes work. it transfers itself
to coming generations.
so
instead of blaming and accusing, understand them and own them. try to bring a more resourceful state with them by trying to help them. having deep conversations by being in their shoes. seek to understand them first and then seek to be understood by them. maybe trauma was traveling through their parents or grandparents or great-grandparents and they just don't know how to break the cycle since they were conditioned to believe so.
blaming and accusing is an unresourceful state which only deteriorates the situation furthermore.
so, now it's in your hands to bring the paradigm shift.